Advice Please! I met a single dad 3 years ago when our kids became friends and began to hang out together...?

I was married at the time. We spent evenings talking, and a few times hugged. There were mixed signals (maybe just hopeful ones, as my marriage had been in trouble for many years)...regardless, signals that would say someday there could maybe be more to our relationship....focusing on his kids needing a mother, etc. I fell in love with his children. They were like part of my family. I let myself fall for him, unexpectedly, yet making me stronger to get out of a dead marriage that we had tried to rekindle for many years. I stayed in that marriage as I believe in my VOWS. I don't JUST LEAVE. We were married for nearly 20 years. The kids and I left. My friendship with 'X' was on and off. When 'X' thought I was getting to close to him and his kids, he would shut me out. There was a year that we didn't talk at all. We'd see each other at school functions, etc., but, it just hurt me too much. We later mended our friendship ( I let him in my heart again) and it lasted for a few months....until I got the courage to just tell him how much I cared. Why play games anymore? But, he said he was focused on friends and couldn't commit to anything more. He then shut me out again. This past week we finally talked again and he said he was very sorry he hurt me. He NEVER meant to hurt me ( I think he's scared and confused). 'X' says that when he doesn't know what to say, he clams up and stays away. Well....DUH. I already know that scoop! So, I let him tell me how much he loves us (my kids and I) and listed to him cry to me, telling me he just clams up when he gets scared and runs. Thing is....he still just talks about 'friendship' with me. Nothing more. I want to be his friend, too....but, once you love someone....how can you just go back to being friends like that? What do I do with MY feelings? AND.....can I trust someone who obviously doesn't even know his OWN feelings???? I'm screwed , huh? Speaking of which....there's never been more than hugs between us....but, they went a LONG WAY! lol. I've dreamed of a first kiss.....but, we're always worried about upsetting the other person.....he maybe doesn't kiss his FRIENDS! LOL. Help !